Space
I need my space
I need my love
I need and constructive way to express and accept love at the same time I express my need my space
Space, Space like the distance between Hi, I’m home and Dinner is Ready
Space between waking up and going down into the subway
Space between boarding a plane and carrying on a conversation
Space between work and friends
Space is love to me, to give me my space is to love me
To come into my space is to punish me
To question my space is to upset me.
I like my space but I love you
My space is my biggest compromise.
Time in my space is my love to you.
My Space and My Love are intertwined
Truths: Attempt #3
I am afraid of being questioned. I feel threatened and defensive because I do not mind people not explaining themselves to me and I leave them alone so I like to be left alone but not in the cranky hermit way but more in the understanding, you need your space kind of way.
Truths: Attempt #2
What am I afraid of?
I am afraid of sharing my life – of having someone experience the cranky morning person the person who likes to sleep in on Saturday mornings, the reality show loving, eat late at night loving, internet blogging person who may not have matching underwear and who tends to curse when pissed and likes to be held sometimes with minimum talking and likes to be talked to sometimes with minimum hugging who likes to be watched but not peeped at who does not mind being looked at but hates being stared at and whose body is sometimes work hard from disciplined gym workouts and whose body can sometimes be soft and meaty from slacking off sometimes I look really hot and put together and like a knockout and sometimes i go out like out at night with jeans and flats and my glasses on and i am one of those women who has still not really found out what really attracts guys when she is wearing what but i know what makes me look cute and i am afraid of those who would not get along with my friends and will say something bad about my friends and those that my family may not like or who may say something bad about my family then i will have to defend my family from the loose disrespectful tongue of this person i may really really be nervous about having my beliefs questioned of having a human who i have not grown up with challenge all that i have worked so long and hard to figure out what i believe.
Truths
I am scared, afraid, panic attack prone
anxiety prone, wound up, awake
I am so awake I barely blink, so awake I feel everything and nothing
Feel sad, bitter, nervous, happy, passionate, anxious
And I am am wound
I am wound so tight I feel every nerve vibrating, each neuron firing
not at the same time, but consecutively, one by one by one by one by one
Each one passing a message to the other
In a strange inner being message of chinese telephone,
Each communicating to the other on an individual level, with its own tone and vernacular
Some whispering some shouting, all distorting the message in their own way
Clouded by emotion
My message gets lost and misunderstood
The last neuron shouts out a declarative sentence
Nonsensical and irrelevant
My message is lost
And my anxiety begins once more
This is how I feel every day on the hour – trying to get out a message to have it distorted and convoluted, but powerless to translate it, too late is catching the confusion to stem the tide of miscommunication.
