Sanpixee the Alien: Writing is My Sex?
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Writing is my sex, my drug, my intimacy, my sports, my favorite time of day, my long warm bath, my plush bed. It is as much my safe cave as my reckless open air. Writing is to me what pilots talk about when they lift off into the sky into the “Big Blue” – where they are light and free – and all they can see and think about is the air all around them so do I lift off into a world where worlds flow all around me, a room of language where I can curl up and just be.
I will ride this writing phase out like a drug high, not really able to predict when I come down, but will use it to channel oft dormant parts of my being right out into the open, expelling it into a ruthless world for it to be dissected and scrutinized, where it can lay gasping for air like a fish who jumped out of its tank onto hardwood floor, knowing that an irreversible decision has been made.
This is my talk, my communication, when I feel most alive apart from dancing… the verbal I am not so good at, but the written I love. It is my intimacy, my language of love, my highest form of expression – it is all encompassing or everything remotely talented that I can acknowledge. A gift for language, sentence construction and the ability to infuse each combination with my sense of humour and self deprecation. It is always hard for me to talk about what I love doing – and it often comes out unconvincing as this is such a private affair, a secret kept between me and wordpress, often taken advantage of in moments if insomnia. Today I have been awake since 5:45 AM, maybe earlier but I just gave up and took out my computer hoping to yet again bore my brain to sleep.
In much the same way as my body has kept me home the past couple days due to its need to expel toxins is in the same way I feel my writing expels mental toxins, a healthy way of mind renewal, a way of regrouping and assessment. Many people can go from event to event without stopping to assess, to renew, to check in with self – for me it is vital, necessary replenishment in order for me to conduct any further social interaction.
I praise God for this gift and accept it willingly. I also hope I can fall asleep soon.
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Try this one and see how you feel:
http://sanpixee.wordpress.com/2008/12/19/sanpixee-the-alien-the-fascinating-male-species/
