Sanpixee The Alien: The Break-Up
I could start by saying Have you ever been…? or Has it ever happened that..? or Do you know the feeling of…?
It would be redundant thing, a reach for a connection, for empathy, for someone else to read this and nod their head mentally… I know in my head that my experience is not unique. What I hope is that someone will teach me how to grieve…
It has been one year and still I have not grieved properly for a brutal ending to a two year on and off relationship… the most intense human connection I had ever experienced… one where I stopped eating, stopped sleeping, stopped answering the phone and started operating on autopilot. A relationship where I shared everything, all walls were down, all chains removed. A relationship where I opened up my personal space, my refrigerator and my wallet and my bed… one where I cooked and took care of his younger siblings one where I opened up my heart to care for people he cared for, people I didn’t care to care for…
It has been one year and I beleive I am fine but I am not sure how fine I am as I have not seen him since we have broken up, seen him in his new lifestyle, his new woman, his new friends. I am an expert at being fine, at being busy enough to not think about it and having enough friends to be able to totally ignore the situation.
I am a fool.
Only a fool thinks that they are fine when they have not grieved over a break-up. This was a relationship that I was willing to go the distance for, even if it was long distance I was ready, even if it meant going months for not seeing him, even if it meant putting my money towards a travel fund I would do it. If it meant getting along with his family I knew tolerated me because of him.
It was an uneven a match if there ever was one.
And I the hopeful optimist thought that if he loved me and I loved him then that was enough…that was enough for a decision.
I need to grieve for this one, adequately and totally. If someone knows, teach me how to slow down to grieve…
